Top 5 Reasons Relationships Fail

Humans are terrible at maintaining healthy relationships. Whether be it with family, friends or loved ones, we all seem to possess an inherent ability to destroy meaningful connections. From divorce, to sibling rivalries, to broken friendships, it’s a safe bet that all of us have been affected by a failed relationship. Where does the cycle begin and why can’t we break it? Psychologists can undoubtedly provide a more thorough analysis of the personality flaws, scarred pasts and skeletons in the closet  that explain reasons relationships fail; however, at first glance, five glaring trends come to the surface.

1.  Inability to forgive
Forgiving someone who has wronged you takes strength. True reconciliation means diverting your desire for revenge, and humbling yourself enough to accept an apology. This does not mean letting people walk all over you, but does require recognizing the desire of another person to be forgiven, particularly when they show true regret.

Suggested Fix: Strive to be humble, never seeking revenge. Practice effective communication and learn to vocalize your feelings to others when they do something that requires an apology. Accept apologies without strings attached, and do not expect reward or personal gain. In other words, forgive and forget.

2.  Unrealistic expectations
We expect a lot from other people. Our cultural concept of the perfect mate, for example, leads us to believe that post-wedding life will be a walk in the park, and that our partner should meet our every demand and every expectation. We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, which means every relationship will experience seasons of difficulty.

Suggested Fix: Realize that people make mistakes, and make them often. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of those you are connected to. Use honesty, forgiveness and humility to build bonds of trust and to open the lines of communication. Never expect perfection from others, and do not rely on other people for happiness or fulfillment.

3.  Selfish, need-based behavior
In the dog-eat-dog world in which we live, we have learned to look out for ourselves before we look out for others. We busy ourselves with education, work, bills and climbing the social ladder, which directs the brunt of our energy toward bettering ourselves. We are consumed with ourselves, which creates self absorption and lack of compassion for others.

Suggested Fix: Aim to be more considerate of others and put yourself in the backseat. Volunteer your time, donate to a charity and make sacrifices. Making a positive impact in someone’s life can prove far more rewarding than achieving personal gain.

4.  Refusal to apologize
Even more difficult than accepting the apology of someone who has wronged you, is apologizing to someone whom you have wronged. Admitting fault is extremely difficult for most people, as it means letting down your guard and coming to terms with your relational faults and failures.

Suggested Fix: Apologize to others as you expect them to apologize to you. Apologizing shows compassion, humbleness and an ability to admit you were wrong. Holding a grudge escalates tension and increases the chances of permanently damaging relationships.

5.  Repeating mistakes
Repetition of behaviors that deteriorate relationships is a multifaceted issue. Whether on the giving or receiving end, repetition of hurtful behavior shows a lack of care and a lack of self discipline. In order to avoid repeating mistakes, we must change.

Suggested Fix: The ability to change requires the recognition of fault and the admission of why our behavior has hurt others. Lastly, it is essential that we follow through on proactive initiatives to correct our personality flaws and thwart our tendencies to act out in ways that hurt others.